What is Love?

People use many different words and ideas to describe what love is. Some of the words and ideas describe healthy relationships and some don't. Some people have ideas about love that, should they become behaviors, could be unhealthy or dangerous. Some beliefs about love could lead to dating violence.

Love is:

·       Trust

·      Open communication

·      Sharing

·      Compromising

·      Recognizing differences

·      Openness

·      Respect

·      Shared decision-making

·      Mutually agreed-upon intimacy

·      Taking responsibility for one's own actions

Love is NOT:

·       Bullying

·      Jealousy

·      Humiliation

·      Pressured intimacy

·      Possessiveness

·      Intimidation

·      Fear

·      Manipulation

·      Blaming someone else for one's own actions

Jemmie and Sam

Jemmie and Sam have been going out for two months. They usually go out together on Friday and Saturday night. They often don't plan ahead.  Sam just stops by and picks Jemmie up and they go somewhere together.

One Friday night Jemmie's friends are planning a party. Jemmie is invited and Sam is not. Jemmie wants to go, tells Sam about it, and asks what Sam's planning for Saturday night.

Sam asks a lot of questions like;

                       Who is going to be at this party?

                       Are you going to be alone?

                       Why don't you want to be with me?

And he finally says in a sullen voice, "If you really loved me, you would tell them you can't come. You don't need anyone but me, anyway."

Jemmie has never had anything like this happen before. The party sounds like a lot of fun. Why should Sam expect that they should go everywhere together? He could be with his friends on Friday night just like Jemmie will be with hers.

There are some early warning signs of teen dating violence in this story. It is clear that Jemmie and Sam are thinking about their relationship in different ways. While Jemmie thinks that it is okay to be with different people and spend time away from Sam, he applies a bit of pressure by saying to Jemmie, "If you really loved me, you would tell them you can't come."

It's hard to tell if this will be a healthy relationship.

Some teens have shared these ideas about ways to have a healthy relationship.

·       Listen to each other.

·      Show respect for wishes and limits.

·       Communicate openly with each other. You each have a right to express yourself.

·      Expect to treat your partner well and to be treated well.

·      Know that you both have a right to feel safe.

·      Healthy relationships have two equal partners.

Here are some questions to ask about someone you're considering dating.  These may help to reduce the risk of being in an unhealthy relationship.

·       How does this person treat others?

·      What is this person's reputation?

·    Who are this person's friends?

·   How do they behave together?

·      Do you know anyone else who has dated this person? What does he/she say?

Finally, ask yourself, "Does this person meet my expectations?  Do I truly believe that this person will treat me well?"

It is never okay to abuse another person.

A good enough reason to hit someone, to disrespect, or humiliate someone NEVER exists. Dating violence is not love.

If you need support, encouragement, or help to be safe, talk to:

·       A school counselor

·       A family friend

·       A trusted adult

·       Your friends

Any of these people can help you call a crisis line if you need to talk, or the police if you want to report an assault.

Written by Gayle M. Stringer, MA

Produced by King County Sexual Assault Resource Center